“Are they all yours?”

I get asked that at least twice a week. It doesn’t bother me much. I realize having seven children makes me a bit unique by societal norms. It’s one of those questions that pop out of people’s mouths when they see me and my tribe out and about on those everyday errands that wear mothers out.

Other questions I find annoying or downright offensive: Do you know what causes that? Why don’t you get that fixed? Do you have a TV? Are you Catholic? Irish? Uneducated?
I’ve been asked those questions, usually in front of the children, and I’ve heard many questions and comments not fit for a Catholic publication. I try to smile, suppress my natural sarcastic tendencies and answer as honestly and cheerfully as possible: Yes, they are all mine. Yes, I know what causes it and we prefer it to TV. We can’t fix what isn’t broken. I am Catholic and Irish and really well educated, with the paid-off loan documents to prove it.

Recently on the soccer field someone came up with a different approach.
“So you’re one of those Catholics that don’t believe in birth control.”

This one I could sink my teeth into. I “believe” in birth control in that it exists; unlike the Loch Ness monster or leprechauns, which do not exist so I do not believe in them. What I do believe about artificial birth control is that it is intrinsically evil, immoral and a mortal sin. Why do I believe this? The easy answer is because the Church tells me so. Now before you go off about old men in the Vatican wanting to populate the earth in Catholics by keeping all women pregnant for 20 years at a time let me say: Lots of women work in the Vatican; no Catholic document says you should have as many children as humanly possible; and not all the men in the Vatican are old.

That’s the easy answer. If I were the type to accept easy answers, I would not have had all those college loans to pay back. I like to know the reason for things. Why is it a mortal sin? What makes it intrinsically wrong to use artificial means of birth control?
The marital act has two purposes: unitive and procreative.

“The spouses’ union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2363)
Unitive means it brings husband and wife together in a special way. It is for their good and the good of their marriage. A man and wife give themselves to each other completely and exclusively. It is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves to each other for as long as they both shall live.

“The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude.” (CCC 2362)
Procreative means that each act of marriage be open to life. (CCC 2367)

The Church recognizes there are times when it is advisable to avoid pregnancy. The reasons can be highly personal and should be between the couple, their confessor and God. It is imperative to point out that the reasons should stem from a generous and genuine desire to be responsible parents and to do God’s will.

The Church, and this diocese in particular, teaches Natural Family Planning (NFP). NFP teaches a couple to recognize the signs of fertility in a woman so each month they can prayerfully consider God’s will for their family.

It just makes sense that to put something between these two reasons for marital intimacy would thwart the sacramental aspect of the marriage and deny God’s will. Hence the mortal sin. It is God’s great joy to have baptized people joined in the bonds of marriage and sanctified by the sacrament. It is His great joy to have us be blessed by the fruits of this sacrament; a close and loving relationship and children. Children are a gift, a blessing and means to our salvation.

The woman at the soccer field asked if I did the Rhythm thing. I have no rhythm and told her so. Rhythm is an outdated method of calculating ovulation by using a calendar and predicting 14 days into a woman’s cycle she would conceive. Since not everyone has that kind of cycle, it was not a very successful method. I explained that NFP was scientifically based and used by many people of all faiths, since it was the healthiest method available.
The lady observed that since I had seven children, I was not a great poster child for this method. Sigh.

It is exactly because I have seven children that I am a great poster child, even though I really don’t want to be on any posters. Had NFP not been part of our marriage I would likely have a much larger family by now. When there is no good reason not to conceive we simply don’t watch the fertility signs and let God plot the course. This is not always easy and we come in for a good bit of criticism but the fact is we have a good marriage. We have beautiful children and we have faith. Faith that God will provide what we need materially and emotionally to care for these precious beings He has entrusted to our care. It is because NFP works that I have great confidence that what God plans for our family will ultimately end with us united in heaven. It is because NFP works that I can joyfully tell you that our eighth baby will, with the help of God, join us here in January.
Deo Gratias.

For more information about NFP call the Diocesan Family Life office at 516-678-5800. Other information about life issues can be found at www.onemoresoul.com.

(Mary Ellen Barrett, a mother of seven, is an active member of Our Lady of Perpetual Help parish in Lindenhurst.)